I wanted to imagine my Perfect Day. I wanted to write it out and edit it until it was absolutely the embodiment of my most perfectest day ever.

I quickly realized that it was hard to do that without tossing a bunch of material things in there; I mean, if I'm being totally frank, my PERFECT perfect day would definitely start with me waking up in my king-sized bed (with my all-white Egyptian cotton linens) next to my handsome and sensitive husband, with our Rhodesian Ridgeback dog on the floor next to the bed, in our industrial loft live/work space in the woods overlooking a lake. Where I'm supposed to find a lakefront abandoned warehouse building in the forest is beyond me... Not to mention acquiring such a property would require funds to which I surely don't have access. I don't know. Maybe my PERFECT Perfect Day involves me waking up wealthy?

Why am I even doing this?
Maybe it's something to do with the existential brouhaha of inching my way up toward my mid-30s and still having much of my life so up in the air. Unlike others in my peer group, I've not yet "settled down" with house/marriage/family - and I honestly don't know if or when that will ever be my reality. I go through occasional periods of angst where I'm not sure if my life is on the right path, or if I even know what that path is.

Maybe you can relate to this: I'm not even so sure that I'm a "path" person; I'm more of an "aerial view" type of girl. I know what I'd like my life to look like from a very big-picture point of view, kind of omnisciently hovering above it and taking everything in at a glance, nodding my approval.

-- My key requirements are comfort, fun and joy.
-- My nice-to-NOT-haves are stress, drama and emotional struggle.
-- Not essential to me one way or the other are money, possessions or success.

My aerial view is a very pretty picture, if a little unrealistic.

There's an App for that
One of my favourite iPhone apps is Google Earth. I think it's so cool when you first launch the application, and the little picture of Planet Earth kind of swoops and spins beneath you until you're hovering over your exact location. I feel like I'm up in space looking down on my small piece of the planet. Quietly, unassuming. Just watching.

I also really like to pinch-zoom in to see how close I can get to seeing the detail of my little part of the globe. One time I actually made out the rusted-out white car that parks across the street from my condo building and it made me squeal with delight. So despite being a bird's-eye-view kind of gal, I appreciate that it can be kind of a fun experience to hone in on the detail.

The Perfect Day exercise will hopefully give me that same giddy excitement, as I pinch-zoom in on the aerial view of my life and pinpoint what my absolute perfect day would look like - in terms of experiences, not possessions.

My Perfect Day
My Perfect Day doesn't have any timelines, except for one: I know I'd wake up around 8am. 8am is my perfect wake-up time. It's not too early. It's not too dark. It's also not too late, so I'm not sleeping my Perfect Day away.

Portions
Eggs, toast, tea and newspaper. Wait, are eggs a possession? I just love eggs, and my perfect day would involve an eggy breakfast while I sit and read the paper.

Productivity
Then, I'd need to be productive. My Perfect Day wouldn't be totally lazy, or I'd go nuts. I'd get busy doing... something.

...I just closed my eyes for a few moments to see if I could picture what that might be. I can't, specifically. It's something creative and visual. It's something that I'd really be able to pour all of my energy into. I'd need to close off all distractions and focus on it completely. It's something that I need to do alone, left to be in my own little headspace until it's perfect. I can't say whether this burst of productivity is earning me a living, but it is something that I feel proud to produce.

How long do I perform this productive task? Until one minute before it starts to impede on the other beautiful things I have lined up for my Perfect Day. My productivity will not ruin my fun.

People
I'd set aside some time in the afternoon to check in with the important people in my world. Make plans to see friends, family, loved ones. Sending out birthday cards and thoughtful gifts - on time. I'd be the person everyone in my life could go to for a shoulder, an ear and other such metaphorically supportive body parts. Keeping my peeps close would be the biggest, most important part of my day.

Perspiration
Depending on what day it is, this particular Perfect Day may involve some movement of some kind - either running, playing a sport, lifting weights or doing yoga. My Perfect Day does not involve teaching any fitness classes, mainly because I don't want to be buckled in to a schedule.

Pigouts
There would be so much good food in my Perfect Day. It would probably be a diet very skewed in favour of seafood. Wait... is seafood a possession? I'd be eating all day long, whenever I wanted, and probably sipping on wine too. I'd take the time to cook delicious meals, and would want to share them with somebody.

Progression
I'd want to take tons of courses to learn about all manner of things - from cooking to building to designing to just understanding the world better. I'd occupy much of my day learning about everything I could.  

Page-turning
My Perfect Day would involve reading so many books. Having the time and the energy to spend hours every day poring over books and books and books. Maybe I'd finally make it through the first chapter of Shantaram!

Parties
There would be a social moment every day - either a big, raucous fun one, or a quiet, intimate one. I'd be spending great quality time with the people I love, celebrating the fun parts of life. My Perfect Day, in fact, has an equal blend of social moments and alone-time.

Passion
My Perfect Day requires a partner who's on the same happy, easygoing life path that I am. I definitely think it sounds way more fun than doing it alone.

Reality Check
Even a Perfect Day will have to involve some chores and duties. But I can't help but feel like these To Do lists would seem like less of a nuisance because every other moment of my day would be spent in bliss.

I think the thing that holds us back from experiencing Perfect Days in real life is that we let our real life take over. We are programmed to err on the side of being a responsible adult, and feel that it's our job to do the things that need to be done first, at any cost. Even if it means pushing away the truly important moments of life.

Oh, what do I know?

Sum up, Soldier
All I really know is that I have always had a bird's eye view of what my happy life might look like, and now I have a more honed-in close-up of it. When I look at the close-up, everything actually seems pretty attainable.

For instance, even if I can't quit my job to go and live with my (obviously wealthy) partner, swanning about our lakefront warehouse loft, creating visual masterpieces while sipping wine and eating sea scallops, I CAN make a better effort to keep my peeps close. Why not? I just listed it as the most important part of my Perfect Day, yet right now I spend maybe 10-20 minutes a day doing so. Quite pathetic - and there's no excuse for it. Am I too busy, too important? And if I am, how sad is that? I possess the power to shift that balance of time, and I should.

Right this very second I could make one phone call and start weaning myself off teaching fitness classes, so that I could have a more intuitive approach to my exercise - doing just what I want to do when I want to do it (or not do it). So why aren't I making that phone call right now?

Wait, I thought this was a Wellness Blog...
How does this tie to wellness? Emotionally, maybe. The "Spirit" factor of the mind/body/spirit equation.

Here's how I see it: Either you're one of those Status Quo people who never ponders change in your life, or your one of those Flighty people who can't go five minutes without wanting to take a garden spade to the whole thing and uproot it. Either way, there's got to be some mental wellness benefits to taking a moment to clearly focus on your life and what you want. And how you'll get there. Maybe that means making a list. Maybe it means drawing a picture. Maybe it means using a weak Google Earth analogy.

Spend the time to pinch-zoom in on your Perfect Day and see if, right away, you don't spy a few changes that you could make today - right now - to get you on that path.

If nothing changes, nothing changes, and who wants a life like that?  

Years ago, I ran myself ragged, trying to DO so many things, I forgot to just let myself BE.

Around my 30th birthday or so, I took a look around me. What had all this hyperactive DOing gotten me? Let's face it: the beautiful parts of my life were looking a little bleak. All I had were a job that ran me into the ground, lots of possessions to show for my strong work ethic (I'd always had at least three jobs at any given time), some good friends that I was in danger of letting slip away, and myriad bizarre medical ailments caused from stress, poor diet and lack of sleep.

I was chronically single. I couldn't hold a relationship because I was unwilling to make the time for anyone but me. I thought men should just flock to me because of how busy and successful I was; they would just have to hang back in the wings and wait loyally by my side until I was able to make time for them.

In fact, friends and loved ones suffered the same fate: "I'll get to you when I can." 

Boy, when you look at it written out like that, it's hard to understand why we put so much value on the phrase "OMG I'm *so* busy right now." What's good about being so busy that you can't make time for the great parts of life? It's equal parts selfish and empty.

I think we associate busy-ness with importance. I lost the desire to be important a few years ago. I figure, as long as I'm enjoying my tiny part of the world, it doesn't matter how important I appear to be to anyone else.

Some people might say I lack ambition. I say: been there, done that.

Some people may think this viewpoint sounds lazy. I think it sounds balanced.

I can make the time for the things and people and experiences I really love.

And I do.

Managing Expectations
Because I live in this society that values busy-ness, this adjustment has been hard. Not many other people in my demographic are willing to throw in the busy-ness towel in order to take on a life of BEing rather than DOing. It leaves me a little lonely out here. This has required a lot of Expectation Management.

The irony is not lost on me that the buzz-phrase "Managing Expectations" was driven into my skull by the last corporate machine that leeched my soul for 20 hours a day (and then strapped me to a BlackBerry so as to make sure those remaining 4 hours per day were also commandeered). Despite the phrase "Managing Expectations" being very corporate, I still love the idea of it, and use it often.

It goes in line, I think, with the notion of personal responsibility. While I'm very content to DO only what needs to be done and spend the rest of my day BEing, I also have to recognize that not everyone is living life in this way. I need to know that I have to occupy myself. And I have. It's a great opportunity to tap into some hobbies that I have always secretly loved but never made the time for. I love anything relating to the visual arts, for example, so maybe I'll take a clay handbuilding course. I've always wanted to learn typography and silkscreen printing. Or I'll persue some active hobbies: I just signed up for a series of 5K races in the mountains this summer (more on that later - I AM NOT A RUNNER so this scary reality will surely be mentioned somewhere in this blog at some point). I'll do these things by myself and, you never know - maybe I'll meet some like-minded friends while I'm doing them.

I can't realistically expect the people in my life to come with me on my journey to BE more than DO. So I have to manage my expectations and realize that I'll be on my own sometimes. I've had to pull slightly away from people whose levels of self-imposed busy-and-importantness make my skin itch. I take responsibility for the fact that I'm alienating some good people but... this is for the sake of my mental wellness.

Just as I don't want that stress in my own life, I don't want to be juxtaposed near it either.

Work Life Balance
I think it's sad, when I look back on it now. How much time I spent working. For what?

Did I love my job(s)? Yes. I think I've been pretty fortunate in the career department, in that I've gotten to always do things that I'm passionate about.

Did I experience success? Yes. I flew up the corporate ladders and pay scales pretty rapidly for a kid who dropped out of University.

Did I acquire lots of shiny things? Yes. But who cares?

Did I get to circumnavigate South America on a motorcycle?

Have I gotten to spend 2 weeks on a water bungalow in the Maldives?

Have I witnessed the Big 5 in Africa?

No, no, no. The THINGS I'd been acquiring were at the detriment to the EXPERIENCES I've had on my bucket list since I was a teenager.

Work-Life Balance means something different for everyone. I thought I had found it at my last job: "Sure, I can have a weekend getaway because I'll have my BlackBerry on me and anyone can reach me if they need me." Or, "I've got my Work and my Life balanced, because my friends and loved ones (Life) know that they can't count on me at all to be there for them, because I'm just too busy (Work)." 

It's funny how we convince ourselves we love what we're DOing, when we'd much rather BE anything else but a slave to our PDAs, our subordinates, our bosses, our clients and our deadlines.

We're very good at self-conviction. Heck, this blog post is full of it.

Switching off sometimes
Another important ingredient in my attempt to find balance is down-time. I'm proud to report that I've gotten really good at this.

I do yoga anywhere from 3 to 6 times per week. I prefer restorative yoga; none of this Madonna Hulkamania business. When people talk about yoga they often say, "I'd like to try it, but I'm sooooooo high strung, I'm sure I'd just get restless." You're high strung? Welcome to life in a developed nation. In some ways, I think people are looking for brownie points when they bring up how hyper and busy they are. If one is too busy for a few moments of dedicated relaxation each week, we assume they must be very, very important. And, in contrast, those of us who DO make the time for ourselves are apparently not as important. And we should be ashamed of ourselves!

Hey, I'm not super high strung, but I DO have the attention span of a gnat. Yet I manage to quiet myself a few times a week. It's not THAT hard to do, Molly Martyr.

I don't just relax at yoga class, though. I can do it anywhere, anytime. I'm REALLY good at it. I still have busy days from time to time, just like everybody else. Mentally and physically draining. But if I can, I'll find time to sit in a restaurant with a glass of something (tea, beer - I'm not picky) and read the paper. Decompression. Balancing my life with my work. It feels very nice. Like I'm in control of my schedule and not vice versa.

Do things that make you happy
And don't do things that make you unhappy

Life is too short.

 


 

Dear Internet: I got fat.

I did. I got fat over the holidays. I'm not trying to sound alarmist when I say this. I really mean it.

December was a fun month for me. In early December, I took a week-long trip to Cabo San Lucas. Then I was back home for only about a week and a half before I headed home for the holidays.

If it feels good, do it.
This is for sure one of my main mottos in life, but especially where food and drink indulgence is concerned (and money, hence why I live in a tiny apartment).

I think about the years I wasted obsessing about my diet, my exercise and my body image, and it saddens me. What a waste of some of the potentially most fun years of my life! These days I try to eat pretty cleanly most of the time, which allows me lots of leeway to indulge when the mood strikes me.

Well, the mood struck me hard during my trip to Mexico, and then again during my visit home for Xmas. Of course it did. Neither of those experiences would have been as fun, in my opinion, without the food and the drink and the lounging around like a lazy blob. Sure enough, the combination of a lack of exercise and an indulgent approach to eating softened me up more than a little. 

It's okay. I had to know it would happen. I mentally prepared myself for it. Even the participants in my fitness classes had to hear my take on holiday weight gain for pretty much the entire month of December: "It's probably going to happen, so let's not stress about it too much! Eat, drink, enjoy -- and then we'll all come right back to the gym afterwards and work it off together." I think they were skeptical at my lackadaisical approach to impending Xmas fatness. They were probably on to something.

Muffin-top acquisition: Accept it and move on.
I don't know about you, but I definitely felt a lot softer and rounder when I got back into the swing of things after Xmas. But it wasn't until I went back to work that I realized the true nature of my holiday indulgence. Specifically that first morning I had to put on non-stretchy pants. Oy. I've been sucking in for three days over here.

I don't ever weigh myself, but I'd have to assume that I am on the high end of the holiday weight gain spectrum. My clothes don't fit right. I feel uncomfortable and uncoordinated.

I'm not exaggerating that I feel very chunky and out of sorts, but I will admit that my reaction to a small bit of holiday weight gain is quite severe. This is how a recovering anorexic behaves, I think. Always and forever.

Time to undo everything I've undone.
I can usually undo a short period of bad eating simply by buckling down for a couple of days. Clean eating and my regular, relatively intense workouts can usually lean things back out to where they were before. But it's been three days now, and I still have a very long way to go.

Should one expect to be able to change their body in a few days? No. But I know how my body reacts to periods of slothiness followed by periods of mindful eating and exercise - I typically bounce back quickly. Maybe it's a sign of my impending old age that it's taking longer than normal to burn off the holiday squishiness.

Whatever the reason, I know I have to be patient.

The lesson learned.
Every step - forward or backward - along the path to wellness is part of the learning experience. We're learning to accept and appreciate our bodies and all of their idiosyncratic behaviours.

I think we all measure our sense of wellness differently; I learned pretty recently that my personal sense of wellness is based on How I Feel About My Body. My goal is to always feel utterly non-partisan about it; to ignore it altogether because I'm more or less content with it.

Right now, my body and its squishy composition are front and centre of mind. For me, this isn't healthy. In a way I'm happy that I can step back from the situation and observe that I'm having unhealthy thought patterns toward my body. Despite the fact that I'm upset about how my body feels, I am happy that I have learned a bit more about myself and how I react to changes with my physique. I know. This sounds corny.

But bear with me. This experience has enabled me to take a breath, look at the bigger picture and realize that it's okay. It's FINE. What's done is done. There is nothing to be gained by obsessing about a 7-10 pound holiday weight gain. 

Meanwhile, I need to balance the frustration I'm feeling at "letting myself go" with the fun I had on vacation and over the holidays with my family. Sure, my jeans are a little tight today, but it was absolutely, 100% worth it.   


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Have you got a holiday weight gain story you need to get off your chest? Share it with me at erin@thewellnessshift.com. I promise to be a sympathetic ear.

Lay comfortably on the floor. Any position that is comfortable to you.

Ideally, allow your arms to float away from the body centre. If possible, allow the legs to also float away. 

When we are tense, our bodies seize up, and everything seems to squeeze in to our centres. Tension is held in the centre – the centre of our hips, the centre of our shoulders, the centre of our eyebrows.

Ideally, the centre is where we reach when we need strength, courage, flexibility, breath, and yet it can also be the centre of all our tension, cares and worries. 

As your breath starts to slow and your body and mind start to relax, start to think about the width of your body. Front body, back body. Internal, external. Face. Mind. Allow the tension to leave your centre, and experience the distance between left body and right.

Move through the body, experiencing and allowing this width. 

Become aware of your feet rolling outwards, heels supported by the floor. 

Similarly, experience the external rotation of your ankles and leg bones.

Allow your pelvis to soften and nearly liquefy, giving the legs even more room to widen. Observe the width of your soft pelvis, the distance between right hip and left hip. Envision and even wider pelvis, and go there with your breath. 

Moving up, acknowledge the softness of your belly, and experience the width of your soft breath as it travels in, filling up the chest and abdomen. 

In your mind’s eye, see the width of your rib cage, and watch it expand even more with every soft inhale.

Continuing up the body, imagine a very wide collar bone. Miles wide, and very, very heavy. 

Also acknowledge the width of your upper back, across the back of your shoulders. Feel your wide shoulder blades supported by the ground. 

Traveling up the back of the head, over the crown of the head, come to the forehead, and imagine miles of width across the forehead. Untie the knot between the eyebrows.

Increase the width of your eye sockets, and of each individual eyelid. Un-squint the eyes, and let the top of your head completely surrender. 

Envision the width of your cheeks, your jawline. Allow the jaw, tongue and throat to fall back toward the floor. 

Stay here, experiencing your full width, the sensation of having no held tension, no struggles anywhere in the body.