Dear Internet: I got fat.

I did. I got fat over the holidays. I'm not trying to sound alarmist when I say this. I really mean it.

December was a fun month for me. In early December, I took a week-long trip to Cabo San Lucas. Then I was back home for only about a week and a half before I headed home for the holidays.

If it feels good, do it.
This is for sure one of my main mottos in life, but especially where food and drink indulgence is concerned (and money, hence why I live in a tiny apartment).

I think about the years I wasted obsessing about my diet, my exercise and my body image, and it saddens me. What a waste of some of the potentially most fun years of my life! These days I try to eat pretty cleanly most of the time, which allows me lots of leeway to indulge when the mood strikes me.

Well, the mood struck me hard during my trip to Mexico, and then again during my visit home for Xmas. Of course it did. Neither of those experiences would have been as fun, in my opinion, without the food and the drink and the lounging around like a lazy blob. Sure enough, the combination of a lack of exercise and an indulgent approach to eating softened me up more than a little. 

It's okay. I had to know it would happen. I mentally prepared myself for it. Even the participants in my fitness classes had to hear my take on holiday weight gain for pretty much the entire month of December: "It's probably going to happen, so let's not stress about it too much! Eat, drink, enjoy -- and then we'll all come right back to the gym afterwards and work it off together." I think they were skeptical at my lackadaisical approach to impending Xmas fatness. They were probably on to something.

Muffin-top acquisition: Accept it and move on.
I don't know about you, but I definitely felt a lot softer and rounder when I got back into the swing of things after Xmas. But it wasn't until I went back to work that I realized the true nature of my holiday indulgence. Specifically that first morning I had to put on non-stretchy pants. Oy. I've been sucking in for three days over here.

I don't ever weigh myself, but I'd have to assume that I am on the high end of the holiday weight gain spectrum. My clothes don't fit right. I feel uncomfortable and uncoordinated.

I'm not exaggerating that I feel very chunky and out of sorts, but I will admit that my reaction to a small bit of holiday weight gain is quite severe. This is how a recovering anorexic behaves, I think. Always and forever.

Time to undo everything I've undone.
I can usually undo a short period of bad eating simply by buckling down for a couple of days. Clean eating and my regular, relatively intense workouts can usually lean things back out to where they were before. But it's been three days now, and I still have a very long way to go.

Should one expect to be able to change their body in a few days? No. But I know how my body reacts to periods of slothiness followed by periods of mindful eating and exercise - I typically bounce back quickly. Maybe it's a sign of my impending old age that it's taking longer than normal to burn off the holiday squishiness.

Whatever the reason, I know I have to be patient.

The lesson learned.
Every step - forward or backward - along the path to wellness is part of the learning experience. We're learning to accept and appreciate our bodies and all of their idiosyncratic behaviours.

I think we all measure our sense of wellness differently; I learned pretty recently that my personal sense of wellness is based on How I Feel About My Body. My goal is to always feel utterly non-partisan about it; to ignore it altogether because I'm more or less content with it.

Right now, my body and its squishy composition are front and centre of mind. For me, this isn't healthy. In a way I'm happy that I can step back from the situation and observe that I'm having unhealthy thought patterns toward my body. Despite the fact that I'm upset about how my body feels, I am happy that I have learned a bit more about myself and how I react to changes with my physique. I know. This sounds corny.

But bear with me. This experience has enabled me to take a breath, look at the bigger picture and realize that it's okay. It's FINE. What's done is done. There is nothing to be gained by obsessing about a 7-10 pound holiday weight gain. 

Meanwhile, I need to balance the frustration I'm feeling at "letting myself go" with the fun I had on vacation and over the holidays with my family. Sure, my jeans are a little tight today, but it was absolutely, 100% worth it.   


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Have you got a holiday weight gain story you need to get off your chest? Share it with me at erin@thewellnessshift.com. I promise to be a sympathetic ear.