Years ago, I ran myself ragged, trying to DO so many things, I forgot to just let myself BE.

Around my 30th birthday or so, I took a look around me. What had all this hyperactive DOing gotten me? Let's face it: the beautiful parts of my life were looking a little bleak. All I had were a job that ran me into the ground, lots of possessions to show for my strong work ethic (I'd always had at least three jobs at any given time), some good friends that I was in danger of letting slip away, and myriad bizarre medical ailments caused from stress, poor diet and lack of sleep.

I was chronically single. I couldn't hold a relationship because I was unwilling to make the time for anyone but me. I thought men should just flock to me because of how busy and successful I was; they would just have to hang back in the wings and wait loyally by my side until I was able to make time for them.

In fact, friends and loved ones suffered the same fate: "I'll get to you when I can." 

Boy, when you look at it written out like that, it's hard to understand why we put so much value on the phrase "OMG I'm *so* busy right now." What's good about being so busy that you can't make time for the great parts of life? It's equal parts selfish and empty.

I think we associate busy-ness with importance. I lost the desire to be important a few years ago. I figure, as long as I'm enjoying my tiny part of the world, it doesn't matter how important I appear to be to anyone else.

Some people might say I lack ambition. I say: been there, done that.

Some people may think this viewpoint sounds lazy. I think it sounds balanced.

I can make the time for the things and people and experiences I really love.

And I do.

Managing Expectations
Because I live in this society that values busy-ness, this adjustment has been hard. Not many other people in my demographic are willing to throw in the busy-ness towel in order to take on a life of BEing rather than DOing. It leaves me a little lonely out here. This has required a lot of Expectation Management.

The irony is not lost on me that the buzz-phrase "Managing Expectations" was driven into my skull by the last corporate machine that leeched my soul for 20 hours a day (and then strapped me to a BlackBerry so as to make sure those remaining 4 hours per day were also commandeered). Despite the phrase "Managing Expectations" being very corporate, I still love the idea of it, and use it often.

It goes in line, I think, with the notion of personal responsibility. While I'm very content to DO only what needs to be done and spend the rest of my day BEing, I also have to recognize that not everyone is living life in this way. I need to know that I have to occupy myself. And I have. It's a great opportunity to tap into some hobbies that I have always secretly loved but never made the time for. I love anything relating to the visual arts, for example, so maybe I'll take a clay handbuilding course. I've always wanted to learn typography and silkscreen printing. Or I'll persue some active hobbies: I just signed up for a series of 5K races in the mountains this summer (more on that later - I AM NOT A RUNNER so this scary reality will surely be mentioned somewhere in this blog at some point). I'll do these things by myself and, you never know - maybe I'll meet some like-minded friends while I'm doing them.

I can't realistically expect the people in my life to come with me on my journey to BE more than DO. So I have to manage my expectations and realize that I'll be on my own sometimes. I've had to pull slightly away from people whose levels of self-imposed busy-and-importantness make my skin itch. I take responsibility for the fact that I'm alienating some good people but... this is for the sake of my mental wellness.

Just as I don't want that stress in my own life, I don't want to be juxtaposed near it either.

Work Life Balance
I think it's sad, when I look back on it now. How much time I spent working. For what?

Did I love my job(s)? Yes. I think I've been pretty fortunate in the career department, in that I've gotten to always do things that I'm passionate about.

Did I experience success? Yes. I flew up the corporate ladders and pay scales pretty rapidly for a kid who dropped out of University.

Did I acquire lots of shiny things? Yes. But who cares?

Did I get to circumnavigate South America on a motorcycle?

Have I gotten to spend 2 weeks on a water bungalow in the Maldives?

Have I witnessed the Big 5 in Africa?

No, no, no. The THINGS I'd been acquiring were at the detriment to the EXPERIENCES I've had on my bucket list since I was a teenager.

Work-Life Balance means something different for everyone. I thought I had found it at my last job: "Sure, I can have a weekend getaway because I'll have my BlackBerry on me and anyone can reach me if they need me." Or, "I've got my Work and my Life balanced, because my friends and loved ones (Life) know that they can't count on me at all to be there for them, because I'm just too busy (Work)." 

It's funny how we convince ourselves we love what we're DOing, when we'd much rather BE anything else but a slave to our PDAs, our subordinates, our bosses, our clients and our deadlines.

We're very good at self-conviction. Heck, this blog post is full of it.

Switching off sometimes
Another important ingredient in my attempt to find balance is down-time. I'm proud to report that I've gotten really good at this.

I do yoga anywhere from 3 to 6 times per week. I prefer restorative yoga; none of this Madonna Hulkamania business. When people talk about yoga they often say, "I'd like to try it, but I'm sooooooo high strung, I'm sure I'd just get restless." You're high strung? Welcome to life in a developed nation. In some ways, I think people are looking for brownie points when they bring up how hyper and busy they are. If one is too busy for a few moments of dedicated relaxation each week, we assume they must be very, very important. And, in contrast, those of us who DO make the time for ourselves are apparently not as important. And we should be ashamed of ourselves!

Hey, I'm not super high strung, but I DO have the attention span of a gnat. Yet I manage to quiet myself a few times a week. It's not THAT hard to do, Molly Martyr.

I don't just relax at yoga class, though. I can do it anywhere, anytime. I'm REALLY good at it. I still have busy days from time to time, just like everybody else. Mentally and physically draining. But if I can, I'll find time to sit in a restaurant with a glass of something (tea, beer - I'm not picky) and read the paper. Decompression. Balancing my life with my work. It feels very nice. Like I'm in control of my schedule and not vice versa.

Do things that make you happy
And don't do things that make you unhappy

Life is too short.